I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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