watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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