Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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