He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
