you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
