So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
