There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
