dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
