Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
