Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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