I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
