Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
