I'm drive I can fine osifer
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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