His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
