laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
