did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize