He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
