i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
