So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
