idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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