dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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