Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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