omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
