planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
