Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
