You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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