She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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