look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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