when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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