How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
