I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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