oh god the rape fog is back!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
