after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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