It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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