moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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