First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
