I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
