someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
