I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
