I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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