I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
