How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
