walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My breasts were aching with rage.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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