I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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