I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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