He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
