Apparently you make a good broom.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
