Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
