I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize