Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
