We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
