I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my sisters under your porch take her home
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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