You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
