We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
