he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
