Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
