Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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