Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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