i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
