drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
