after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
