I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
