So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
