she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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