Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
