I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
