Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
