He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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