And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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