Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
