this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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