I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
