do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
