Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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