im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
